Organized Sports Teach Women How to Be Strong, How to Fight, and How to Win

When I was a girl, I did not have a full slate of athletic options. In required Physical Education classes, we played Dodge Ball–a heinous form of Gotcha, in my opinion–although, I’ll grant, Vince Vaughn as captain of a dodgeball team softened the punch of this game by taking outcasts and oddballs under his rather large wing. In my experience, Dodge Ball existed because it entertained our teachers. We also played Red Rover, volleyball, half-court basketball, and the one that toughened us the most: field hockey without shin guards.

In the summer and at camp, we played the occasional game of softball, and in college, I learned to draw a bow and send an arrow toward a bull’s eye. Mom even arranged for me to take tennis lessons from a kind, talented neighbor, but my one real athletic endeavor was in the spirit of Esther Williams. I swam with a synchronized swim team. We pointed our toes, wore rubber swim caps, and sewed pink netting along the rump of our one-piece swim suits to provide a water-logged can-can as we disappeared underwater.

In my day, we didn’t run marathons. Professional female golfer? Rare. Wimbledon? Wasn’t that for men? Tae Kwon Do and kick-boxing? Don’t be ridiculous!

We girls were groomed to play, and when playtime ended, we became wives and mothers, fit and trim for our man without breaking a sweat. One of my mother’s friends solved that problem by eating salads without dressing Monday through Friday so that she could keep up with her husband’s party habits on the weekends. I still think of her when I see today’s runway models, starving to succeed.

Aerobic classes, dancing to the oldies, and Title IX equality were years away, but finally, they arrived, and the world is much better for it.

My own daughter did not fall in love with chlorine and crisp, clean moves in water. She didn’t like swinging a tennis racket any more than I did, and hoops never called to her. Her natural talents emerged in running, leaping, and balancing so we took her to tumbling classes and later, gymnastics until the coach told us that she had grown too tall for the sport. We asked her then to choose a sport that she might enjoy from the age of eight through her eighties. She didn’t even hesitate before answering: “Soccer.”

I tried to think of an eighty-year-old soccer player, but quickly ruled out the discussion. Eighty was as inconceivable to her as it is to me. “Soccer, it is,” I agreed.

Her long legs, her willingness to get dirty, and her ability to judge speed and distance well proved advantageous. She went on to play club soccer year-round, indoor and out. She competed for exclusive spots on competitive teams, and she earned an athletic college scholarship to round out her academic one.

She enjoyed many moments of success and suffered just as many losses. She played for small men who seemed to compensate for their stature by shouting at girls, and she played for large men who enjoyed cultivating talent. She even played for the occasional woman coach. She played beside girls with passion and girls who learned to drink before legal age. She also wanted to quit many times, but I always refused to allow it until she had completed her obligation to the team for that year or season. By the time a new season was ready to bloom, she was ready to play once more.

In fact, after college, she continued to play: kickball in California where the sport is huge, indoor soccer with amateurs, and even a bit of softball. She even trained for and ran a marathon after battling breast cancer, proving to herself that she can refuse to be beaten, that she can go the distance.

And that is, after all, what a sport provides. It forces us to compete against ourselves–our aches, our pains, our inertia. It forces us to compete for ourselves–for strong bodies, clear minds. A sport allows us to prove ourselves to ourselves, and that is why I’m proud that the world has evolved toward greater opportunity in sports for women. I’m especially proud that I succeeded in guiding my daughter to seize those opportunities and excel with them, particularly because I failed miserably in grabbing hold of them myself.

Let girls play childish games without serious outcomes, but let them play organized sports as well. They will acquire a habit of meeting and overcoming challenges beyond the field of competition into their adult lives.