Dating in Los Angeles: Is My City Keeping Me Single or My Bad Taste in Men?

It has been two and a half years since I moved to Los Angeles and two years since my last boyfriend, whom I met in Napa and not Los Angeles, mind you.

It has also been two years that coworkers, neighbors and friends began to tell me that Los Angeles was the worst place to date and if I wanted a boyfriend, I would have to recruit them from somewhere other than LA. The conversation tends to go like this:

Them: “You can’t date in LA because there are always younger and hotter options for men here. They are all spoiled brats!”

Me: “Okay, an entire metropolitan area cannot share a characteristic.”

Them: “Who have you successfully dated that you met here?”

Me: “………………………………..”

I resent these comments for the following reasons:

  1. What if I am the younger, hotter option? Surely my milkshake can bring a few boys to the yard.
  2. Isn’t this some sort of racism? Sexism? Cityism? This harsh generalization that ALL men in one certain area are undateable irks me.
  3. For two years, they have been right and I have been wrong.

I admit LA is the Forever 21 of dating pools. Everything looks really cute and you think it’s a perfect fit until you look a little closer and realize it is actually cheap and unflattering, and will fall apart in two weeks. But I keep trying.

A few weekends ago, I thought I found love in a hopeless place (a bar) but instead of love I had actually found the biggest douchebag in Los Angeles. Apparently, I am like a honing beacon for cocky guys with a penchant for sexual assault.

Turning a blind eye to some obvious red flags earlier in the night, we ended up making out. When I realized that he wanted this makeout to turn into sex, I also realized I was locked in a bathroom with a very aggressive guy. He started cussing at me when I told him I don’t have sex with strangers in bathrooms (because apparently this fact was rather upsetting and unusual  to this poor douchebag). Do girls in LA usually have sex with strangers in bathrooms? I was perplexed.  Luckily, I was able to make a break for it and text a cab which arrived in two minutes flat, the single girl’s equivalent to a First Response team. Never go to a second location, ladies!!

Again, I thought I found love with a 27-year-old that said I was too old for him (I am 26– 26 with great taste in men, obviously) which at first I was offended and intrigued by. Then, when all he texted was “Where u at” “u out tonight” “where u at now” I realized he was right, and I am too old for him. I have to keep reminding myself to listen to what guys say. Usually they tell you everything you need to know.

Image courtesy of Wikipedia

Still, I am not giving up on LA. To  quote Rev Run’s Twitter account @RevRunWisdom, “If u can have patience u can have everything.” Aaah, Rev Run and his infinite wisdom.

It’s not like my hometown was a dating goldmine. Napa is a small town equipped with fewer options, and by the time you graduate high school 90% of your options have been exhausted among you and your friends.

Places like New York are terrifying because everyone uses the word “aggressive” to describe the dating scene and that just sounds like someone is going to turn around and bite me.

New Orleans has been dubbed the “Big Easy” which sets a really low precedent for men.

I keep running across these Cosmo type “Best Cities for Singles! ;)” surveys which always list really obscure American cities as hotspots. I scoff, but frankly I am tempted to try out Boise, Idaho. I might be a hit there. GIRLS TRIP!

Despite never having met a guy in Los Angeles worth a Facebook official romance, I am a true believer that the city you live in does not matter when you are looking for love. I know I sound like a Nicholas Sparks novel, but the reality of looking for a guy is that you just have to keep looking, keep going, keep trying to prove the player haters wrong.

I haven’t met everyone in LA, and you haven’t met everyone wherever you live. Despite how many horrible men you meet in the process, keep going, keep trying to prove yourself wrong, and keep learning. At the very least, it makes for great blog material.

2 Responses to “Dating in Los Angeles: Is My City Keeping Me Single or My Bad Taste in Men?”

  1. Whitney Schmitz says:

    Love this Tara! You are such a good writer. 2.5 years ago I almost left SLO to move to Portland. I was convinced there were no guys for me in this area and convinced Portland must have a down to earth outdoorsy man for me. If I had left, I would not have met my current boyfriend who is the most down to earth outdoorsy man ever! Way to not give up on your area!

  2. V says:

    Couple things: sex in bathrooms can be fun but not with strangers.
    I’m down for this girls roadtrip, let’s get out of socal for a weekend.

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About Tara

I have probably seen one too many Sex and the City re-runs, bought Bridesmaids OnDemand three too many times, and read "The Rules" and every other dating book out there in between SATC episodes and Bridesmaids rentals. I am invariably single and LOVE to talk and write about it.